April 5, 2008

News for the laughs

oo.. he's witty too. I SO want him to be the President now! It will be such a welcome change from the bumbling incumbent or the 'fake sincerity' of Hillary or the dawdling McCain!

Chris Matthews: At any time in this campaign did you have a chuckle that you just couldn’t get rid of...something weird that happened that was so crazy that you just went to bed laughin' about it?
Barack Obama: Oh, that happens once a day. But then I stopped watching cable news.

And on that note, here are some more hilarious comments from April 1st & 2nd late night shows that I gleaned from this wonderful compendium of late night snark. I've chosen mostly Clinton & Obama related ones here -- the McCain jokes for the most part have to do with his age, which I do not find funny (though I did call him 'dawdling' earlier.)

"It's getting pretty intense in Pennsylvania. Hillary Clinton battling it out with Barack Obama. She's trying everything. Hillary Clinton's campaign -- I don't know if you saw this -- has come out with another ad with her answering the phone at the White House at 3 a.m. Yeah, she made another one. In this one, Hillary handles the crisis, then asks, 'By the way, have you seen my husband?'" --Conan O'Brien

"Two Ohio companies who staged events for Hillary Clinton say that they've been trying to get paid. For weeks they have been trying to get the Clinton campaign to pay their bill, but the Clintons won't answer their e-mails or return their phone calls. Ironically, they even tried calling Hillary at 3 a.m. and nobody answered." --Jay Leno

"In a speech to union leaders yesterday, Hillary Clinton compared herself to Rocky Balboa and I think she's right on with that comparison because people seem to forget -- Rocky lost to a good-looking black guy." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Hillary Clinton was in Philadelphia today, where she told the crowd she is like the movie character Rocky. ... Now, if I remember the movie correctly, doesn't Rocky get the crap beat out of him and then he loses to the black guy?" --Jay Leno

"That's what she says, she's just like Rocky. Except for when she's in Bosnia. Then she's like Rambo." --Jay Leno

"Even though she's behind in the delegate count and most experts say she doesn't have much chance of winning, Hillary says she has no plans to quit. A lot of people think that's hurting the Democrats chances of winning the White House. ... By the way, is it really a surprise that Hillary won't quit? This is someone who wouldn't quit her marriage after her husband got caught with an intern under his desk." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Here's good news, ladies and gentlemen: The circus is in town at Madison Square Garden. ... Earlier today, Hillary Clinton claimed that she was once shot out of a cannon." --David Letterman

"It looks like Barack Obama has taken a ten-point lead over Hillary Clinton. You know they say, behind every successful man there's a woman. Unfortunately for Hillary, it's her." --Jay Leno

"While campaigning in Pennsylvania yesterday, Barack Obama told an eight-year-old boy if he wants to be president, he should work hard in school, get good grades and find a job that helps people. To which President Bush said, 'That's an April Fool's joke, right?'" --Jay Leno

" President Bush threw out the first ball the other night at the Washington Nationals home opener. Boy, wasn't is nice to see Bush throwing out something other than the Constitution?" --Jay Leno

"Big news in the world of television. Kathie Lee Gifford -- remember Kathie Lee Gifford -- who was on the 'Regis Lee Show with Kathie Lee Gifford' is returning to television. She's going to be on the 'Today' show. Returning to television. Here's the scary part: President Bush knew about this, but failed to act."

and just 1 non-Clinton, non-Bush non-Obama joke that i thought was funny :)

"Happy Birthday to Al Gore! God bless him, 60 years old. ... He just couldn't enjoy the party. He was so obsessed with how quickly the ice cream was melting." --Jay Leno

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